Lothian Bus In Bus Free Entertainment

It never stops, the fun I have travelling on Lothian Buses -

Lothian bus trip this week, went upstairs and sat halfway back, bus was quite empty, I had my headphones on, humming away to Tom Jones, and I caught a piece of conversation going on in the back of the bus, was difficult not to hear the couple as they talked and cursed away extremely loudly, the entire top floor could hear them and possibly downstairs too. Well, I thought, this sounds rather entertaining, and so I turned my music off, unplugged one earphone, keeping the other one in so they wouldnt notice I was listening, that could lead to a beating up, didn't need to listen to my gut instinct to know that, listening to their language, accent and discussion was enough of a warning..

The first part of the conversation between the man and woman was hilarious, funny enough where I thought I better write some of this down, so I sneaked out my pub research notepad and a pen, and started scribbling away trying to keep up with their discussions. Picture the scene, top of the bus, driving through George Street, a street with quite expensive shops, and the woman starts off...

"I'll apply in that shop, gee a job, and I'll get it for nuffin. They fit you n' all, so y'ull look gud and advertise their stuff. But see they dresses? 165 quid. A Cardigan thon size [women stands up in bus] this size, here watch, will you watch, are you watching, this size, up to here, a bra basically, 65 quid, 65 quid for a bra, but I'll be getting it for nuffin cos I'll be modelling it in they shop"

Male companion proceeds to murmer something about his teeth and a visit to the dentist and she goes on to say

"but that's so much better than false teeth, get a 2nd opinion, look at me, will you look at me, you've a tooth thur and a tooth over thur, and they can attach it to that un and over to that un, will you just get a second opinion, get a bridge, it's so much better, it's only one f**king tooth, my friend already has one, they can put something in your mouth, and attach teeth and the gum'll grow ow'r it and yu'll have a tooth... "

Then they moved on to the problem with society.

"The problem with society is that kids are the most intelligent in the world, they are, and we parents pollute them, all thon swearing, shag***g and smoking, it's alright mind for kissing and cuddling, but they're intelligent up til about 4 and then it's all ours faults, they're the most intelligent and it's the parents that'll change all that. Kissing and cuddling in front of em is fine, but shouting, too much shouting all the time" - (she says shouting and cursing away).

Then they proceed to discuss for a little while how they both have stories in their head, and he's going to write the Chronicles of Edinburgh... but now we are on Princes Street heading towards the West end, getting closer to her stop, and they start talking about a pub, the Tynecastle Arms, that place just sounds rough. Anyway, that conversation went like this -

"No, I canny play snooker or pool, No, I canny see the ball at the end of the f****** table and I'm nay strong enuff, Im nay strong enuff to play snooker, and the ball, I canny see the balls, but see they Americans, they have much bigger balls, and bigger cues and bigger pockets, and I could play American snooker and I've been clean 7 months and canny play at all, dominoes, I played dominoes there, but I've nay the strength... "

I was sad to see them go.





Lothian Buses - all day entertainment available starting at £1.10.