The London Train journey continues

I'll write later about the rude London businessman (I was NOT impressed with Londoners) who failed in his attempt to block an open seat in a very cramped underground train at rush hour (you dont do that in Edinburgh and get away with it, you dont do that to a Scot in London and get away with it either), but for now I leave you with a photo of my London underground journey and a couple of questions, so listen very carefully.

The blue sign states "Priority Seat for people who are disabled, pregnant or less able to stand", which one would I claim if challenged to give up my seat? Secondly why are the photos so confusing?

A Train Journey with Rab C Nesbitts family

The above videos offer only a glimpse of my train journey from Edinburgh to London. Yes, when we took our seats in Edinburgh in our carriage we were lucky enough to be sitting next to a hen party, a party which had started their journey in Glasgow, though by the sounds of them, the drinking surely started well before their 45 minute journey to the Edinburgh Station.

It was only 5 minutes into my being seated that I opened the bottle of wine before me, I knew in those first few minutes that alcohol would be needed, I also refrained from running back out the train to purchase a 2nd bottle only when I read their ticket (stuck into the back of the seat) which read Edinburgh - Nottingham... still that's a few hours journey, and bad enough.

The behaviour in our carriage was atrocious. The noise, the swearing, the mens bottoms in my face (see video), it got so bad that I held a pen in my hand and faced said pen so that if they got any closer, they would surely feel it!

The music you hear in one of the videos was coming from many seats behind us, yes, they had music blasting through all the carriage and to make matters worse, a piercing 'train like' whistle which they blew at least 30 times through their journey.

So I thought to myself, something good need to come out of this situation I find myself in, and I decided to then take some notes of surrounding conversations. If I ever become a writer for the TV programme Rab C Nesbitt the following dictation will be used for the 'Rab Goes On His Hols By Train' episode...

Act 3, Scene 2-4

"See they 4 star hotels in Cancun Sandra, no likes Scottish 4 star, pure brillian Sandra, n see if I go onto the net and pit in Somodjog or sumit like that, it's 4 stars n sits on a superb hill Sandra, hilltop view, or hilltop something, brilliant place Sandra, well, I never been there Sandra"

Whistle Blows. Julie (bride to be) is sitting in separate area of carriage, group next to me trys for her attention.

"Julie Julie smile far the camera", for gawds sake, anybady wat anymare [Claire passes around bottle], gaes a break, no me, or I'll nae be ready for the night..."

Whistle Blows.
Whistle Blows.

"Julie, JULIE, get yur muther in hand ower here, stop blawing they whistles, do you kno whut they guys are shouting, BIG BOBBYS. BIG BOBBYS? No its no, whas Big Bobby? It's nae, it's BIG BOOBYS".

Whistle Blows.

Men heard laughing in the background along with Julies other half of the hen party, same men then approach table next to us (see first video), men get pen up their ars*s, men leave and return to their seats.

Conversation continues.

"Sometime you're obliged, it's ur family Sandra, ye gotta do it, oor Brian... well nae mare drink fur me, that's enough with all they perverts around, Julie, Julie SMILE for they camera..., whats he doin to Julie, JULIE, aaah haaaa haaaaa haaa, couldnae have dane that ony better, aah that's a picture, smile Julie, smile fur the camera".

"But Sandra see Cancun, well I went awa last year for the weekent with mare friends, and we wanted to go somwhere fancy, sun and the sea and warm like, but we were skint Sandra, so we entet up in Tillicoultry, a B&B fur the weeknt, left Rory in the house, but Sandra, that's only 20 minutes in the car from ma hoose, do you know where I live Sandra, only 20 minutes awa..."

"Julie, Julie, smile fur the camera"

Whistle Blows.

END OF SCENE.



Fitting.

Edinburgh to London by Train

Catching the train to London today, have a lovely weekend all!

Nit picking

Every so often we receive a letter home from school to say that head lice is going around the classroom. And so I've been researching methods of prevention and removal, other than moving country, shaving heads or space suits. I jest, space suits are far too expensive, no, head lice are nothing to be feared, they are an annoyance, tis all! They dont prefer dirty hair, they dont prefer poorer people, they dont prefer Greggs sausage roll eaters, although I'm told the last has yet to be proved in a scientific study.

It would seem that one of the best methods to remove the little critters is with a comb, and it's not the difficulty in removing the critters, more the time involved of the combing. Now you cannot comb out the eggs as lice attach these to the hair with superglue or duct tape. These should be picked out.

So this has got me thinking..

Why can lice not be vacuumed out with a Dyson? Like this...

I mean like this, with a special lice sucker upper setting...

A serious question, why not vacuum your head? Answers on a postcard to cell number 5.

Edinburgh Winter Olympics

I've not had much time to blog recently as you may or may have not noticed. It's these Winter Olympics you see, I've been training for the Biathlon, cross country skiing combined with rifle shooting. Well there's no cross country in the centre of Edinburgh, apart from the Salisbury Crags, but thats got a cliff face, and there's no rifle carrying allowed in the centre of Edinburgh either, who knew! So as all great athletes, especially British ones that depend on the ski and snowboard federation for funds, have come to find out, one must make do with what ones got.

A gritless Princes Street and a course designed by Edinburgh Council along with a full bottle in place of a rifle is working out well.

NOTE - a full bottle works best, as no matter how many times I tried, skating on a half/empty bottle does cause balance conflicts between the athlete and the ice.

I'm almost ready for the tryouts.

The Right Honorobabble Lady Reverend

I was visiting the Royal Lyceum Theatres website, booking a few seats to attend a show, when I came to the register/log in page.

I clicked on the title section. You know, that section where you are usually a Mr, Mrs, Ms, or Miss, (why we mistakes in the world have to choose Miss I'll never know, it's nobodys business really, and I've never liked that title), and, I have to ask you all, have you ever seen the likes of this before?

Holey Smoke I puffed! All this for booking theatre tickets, it's not like I'm visiting with the Queen for goodness sake.

By the time I'd decided on my correct title, and then wasted 15 minutes scrolling up and down trying to find Lady & Bidie In, the page had timed out and I had to start again. During my hour studying and contemplating the options I noticed a few things, why would there be a Dr & Ms, but no Prof & Ms, and what does this imply about Profs, that Profs are either single or will marry? Why so many Hon options when there's only the one for Councillor, and why shorten honey to Hon anyway. Dont you feel slightly sympathetic towards our Councillors, alone, without a Mrs, Mr, Misstake, Lady or Hon, perhaps they could add a few options to make them feel better, 'Councillor and Professor Sirs Lady' or 'Councillor and Teddy' as a couple of suggestions.

I've still to reserve my tickets.

The Rt On 1st. Lady.

The pre valentine makeover

It happens once in a blue moon, usually quite impulsively, perhaps with a little desperation behind it all, sometimes it happens when I've just had enough, you know that feeling, cant stand it anymore...

Well it happened this week, I finally broke down and broke in to a hair dressers. I suppose I didn't really break in as it was still opening hours. I walked past this hairdresser and something made me turn around, backtrack, and go in to make an appointment, perhaps it was my reflection that's been following me around lately, but I came out of the hairdressers with an appointment for a cut and colour for the next morning.

Now perhaps I subconsciously made this appointment because of the 80th birthday party I'm going to on Saturday, or perhaps it's because Valentines Day is coming up, or perhaps it's because I've been wakening like this in the mornings-

and then with a little back combing I'm ending up like this -

Some might say that this look is working for me, a natural look enhanced with just a ribbon or two is all I need, and it certainly seemed to be working at this Rose Street Pub, but it's a difficult hairdo to maintain, and plus it was becoming expensive, I'd lost 3 sets of ipod headphones in there recently.

So I got the cut and some blonde added, and I'm looking alright to the point where Lothian Bus drivers are letting me on again.

Grand.

A Valentine reminder

Free to all our readers. Valentines postcard. More to follow.

Choke on the noose around your neck

No, the blog title isn't the opening line to the valentine card I will be writing this week, this is a line to the song "The Cave" by Mumford & Sons, have you heard them before? No? Nor had I! The first time I heard them singing was on the radio just a few days ago and thankfully the name of the song was given (as many times songs are played with no artist/song information) and from there I found them on you tube. They are touring early this year, unfortunately sold out in Glasgow or I would have gone...

Here, have a wee listen, though they are not Irish they do remind me of a favourite pub of mine and the music I used to hear in Aberdeens O'Donoghues pub or some 'sessions' I've been to lately. Turn your volume up... and let me know what you think.



It's actually been a tough couple of weeks for L.Muck and I in different ways and I think it'll be a wee while before L.Muck is back. I'm dealing with a sick dog. I'm dog sitting you see, my 2 dogs from America, they've been in the UK for quite a few months now and the Labradors back legs have gone. Since Friday one of her legs doesn't function at all, neurological the vet says. She's not in pain, seems to be quite happy, still enjoying her food, yet its tough taking her out using a sheet as a harness as she's a little 'plump' to put it politely. Im cleaning her and after her a lot as she cant stand to do her biz unless Im holding her up, and today I was supposed to put her to sleep but I need to give her just a little more time to see if she can get that back leg working again, she's an oldie, about 13yrs, so operating isn't an option. The Collie also had an operation last week on his throat, thankfully he seems to be recovering okay...

It's a little like looking after 2 babies, so I'm rather exhausted by it all, and the daily decision on whether lab stays or goes to doggie heaven is quite draining...

Stay tuned..

Where's the Edinburgh 3d Football pub location?

For the googlers asking where the worlds first 3d football match for Arsenal v Manchester United is being screened, I've no idea, but trying to find out from a bar manager I know, and if I do find out, I will post the location here.

And for the googler that searched for "extra large tartan tights jenners edinburgh", all I can say is dont, please dont, especially if you're a man (unless you also wear shorts, on top of the tights though, not under).